My Spouse is Gaslighting me. How can I document this?


Have you ever been in a situation wherein the other person made you feel like you were going crazy, but you were certain that you saw the proof? This is referred to as “Gaslighting”. It is when someone manipulates you by psychological means and causes you to call into question your own sanity. While this behavior can occur in many situations, it is most common in cases of adultery. Even though you have proof, your spouse swears up and down that it is not what it looks like or accuses you of making stuff up. Soon you may begin to wonder if you are overthinking or if you are just crazy. At some point, no matter what the underlying situation is, it will all come to a head and you will be ready to put on your proof to someone else.

In divorce and custody cases, the most important task is to document everything. The following are some tips for documenting to be prepared to visit with your attorney.

  1. Keep a calendar and document all days and times of events that have happened.
  2. Keep all written communication that is regarding your case (emails, text messages, etc). Ensure that when emails and messages are printed, that the date, time and sender are clearly displayed.
  3. Print or save all evidence in a secure place. Do not rely on electronic devices to store this information for you. It is too risky if all is lost. Google drives or web-based programs and great because you can access from any computer
  4. Ensure that you have changed all your passwords, so your ex is not able to access your emails or other accounts with your evidence, especially emails between you and your attorney.
  5. You know what they say, “photographs are worth 1,000 words”. Photos are extremely helpful in litigation. Ensure that your photos or videos contain a date and time.
  6. Maintain a list of potential witnesses, teachers, friends, neighbors, police officers, etc. Make sure that you have their current address, telephone and email in case your attorney needs to contact them.

When a case goes before a Judge, it becomes a matter of he said, she said and maybe either party will have a few witnesses on their side. Remember that a majority of the witnesses are going to be one-sided. Be prepared to prove that an incident happened and when, that a text message was sent, that a doctor visit was made, etc. It is better to have an abundant amount of documentation about your case then to have nothing.

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